on loss, discomfort and goodbyes
not about silver linings, just my gratitude for life's tough lessons
I truly believe that gratitude cannot be forced upon us. It needs to be experienced and felt on a personal level. We often focus on the good things and forget about the not-so-pleasant experiences that shape us into who we are today. Here are three things that I am grateful for that may not be found in most people’s gratitude journals:
Firstly, I am grateful for all the things I didn’t get. It’s easy to ask for things we desire and pray for them to come true. I remember praying to reconcile with the father of my child and wishing to move Cessna to Cebu for good and get a place so we can live with him as a family. But looking back, I am grateful that none of it worked out. What would have become of me if I’m still the same person I was three years ago? What would have become of Cessna if I took her away from a place that may not be perfect but still offers her nothing but love just to be somewhere and be with someone I’m not even sure has space for us? If I had gotten everything I ever wanted, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. These missed opportunities help us course-correct and create space for something greater.
Secondly, I am grateful for discomfort. We try to avoid any degree of awkwardness, unease or tension, but growth happens amidst discomfort. I have experienced discomfort moving back to my parents’ home in 2020, rebranding Circe to Fragrant Folk, the discomfort of mustering the courage to tell my dad’s old flame to just stay away from us— speaking up for my mom and for my sister, drawing boundaries for my own sake— for my sanity, when other people clearly do not know how to, and ending previous relationships. These experiences tested my abilities to adapt, learn, experience new things and ultimately change. They offered perspective, served a purpose, and hold meaning.
Lastly, I am grateful for goodbyes. Although they are hard, some goodbyes are necessary for new beginnings to take place. People, places, and beliefs must be let go before they can be replaced. There are goodbyes I resisted, but I’ve learned that sometimes we need to let go and grieve before moving forward.
What I’ve learned is that gratitude isn’t just about being thankful for the good things. It’s about acknowledging the not-so-pleasant experiences that helped shape who we are today.